Solutions on what to do when sex is no longer good in marriage
Sex in your marriage
When an individual is having problems with the sex in their marriage, is unhappy or unable to fix it, what should they do?
The answer to this question is complicated, the reasons why is that it involves two people. When a change can occur it usually is about deciding to make change in oneself, but how do you go about changing the other person, making them understand you better. Is that not what all people really want is to be understood by their spouse?
You cannot change another person, but you can change yourself and the way that you respond to your spouse. Many times when a person has been married for sometime the intimacy in the marriage is not what it used to be, or it has gotten boring. As a Sex Therapist and Marriage Counselor my main goal is to help couples better understand each other moving forward in their relationship with solutions that work.
The answer to this question is complicated, the reasons why is that it involves two people. When a change can occur it usually is about deciding to make change in oneself, but how do you go about changing the other person, making them understand you better. Is that not what all people really want is to be understood by their spouse?
You cannot change another person, but you can change yourself and the way that you respond to your spouse. Many times when a person has been married for sometime the intimacy in the marriage is not what it used to be, or it has gotten boring. As a Sex Therapist and Marriage Counselor my main goal is to help couples better understand each other moving forward in their relationship with solutions that work.
Sex Therapy and Marriage Counseling
Proven techniques to help with better
sex in marriage. Dawn Michael Clinical Sexologist can help couples
communicate with one another about improving sex in their relationship.
The first step is to get help, with that help comes better communication
surrounding sex, advice on solutions, understanding each other and
creating the sexual bond that marriage has to offer. The Happy Spouse
website offers information for couples to go to about improving their
marriage.
- Dawn Michael M.A.
- Sex Therapy and Marriage Counseling for individuals and couples, experiencing sexual problems. Sexual health issues along with healing using techniques, communication and counseling.
Men and women think differently concerning sex
This is where understanding on how a woman thinks and how a man thinks, are different. We cannot discount for hormones, they do play a role in the male and female brain. The development of the sexual path for women is different then men. Not only is a women's brain different, so is her ability to have an orgasm, how quickly she reaches it, and the build up before hand.
Women's sexual drive will also change throughout the month, especially women that are not on birth control, their body, lubrication and sex drive will increase and decrease throughout her monthly cycle. Women taking birth control as they age, it will decrease in time their sex drive, most doctors will not talk about that in detail, but it is one area that women should look into if she has been on birth control for an extended period of time.
As a clinical sexologist, I recommend that a women who has been on oral contraceptives for an extended period of time (years) with low sexual desire to get her hormones checked.
With a man his sexual desire is usually higher in the morning when his testosterone levels are at the highest, men's testosterone levels drop throughout the day. As men age and especially if they put on weight and become less active their estrogen levels may go up, along with belly fat around the middle and increased fat deposited in the breast area. One other problem that men experience due to stress can be performance anxiety, which leads to a myriad of other issues.Recommended Books
Understanding your partner better. The difference between male and female communications, hormones and the brain.How many times a week should a married couple have sex
- How Many Times A Week Should A Married Couple Have Sex
- How many times a week should a married couple have sex? That is the question I posed in three different surveys. I wanted to know if men and women though differently on the subject and what I found out was quite interesting. In my survey from my blog spot on the happy spouse the majority of women said that married couple should have sex three times a week and the majority of the men said five times a week with a close runner up of three times a week. In my question on hub pages I got some more detailed information that I will share.
Sexual Compatibility Test
- Sexual compatibility test with your spouse
- Ten questions that will help to determine if you and your spouse are sexually compatible. If you answered no to some of the questions don't be alarmed a few of these can be changed with some help and counseling. Some cannot be changed and if you answered no to all of them, then we can assume that you are indeed not compatible with your spouse!
Sexual Intimacy
It would be safe to say that if a husband is having a bad sex life with his wife and did want to change things:
The first step would be to drop whatever he has been trying and throw the old notion out the window and look for new solutions.
The bottom line is that your wife does not have the same idea about sex that you do and in fact her idea about sex may be completely opposite of your view.
Men have sex and feel connected to their wife through love making, a woman on the other hand will not want to make love to her husband until she feels connected to him outside of love making. She does not get the same love connection through having sex as a man does, her motivation to have sex with a man is not the same as a man, she derives her love by attention, communication, helping her around the house, with the kids, protecting her and providing for her.
A husband derives love from the affection from his wife and through sexualy intimacy and love making that is how he sees how much his wife loves him, in that way.
The second part is to talk to your wife in a way that is sexy by telling her that her eyes are glowing or her smile is sweet, or her butt looks good in that dress or jeans.DVD on better intimacy
Stop focusing on the sex
The next step in tuning your sex life around with your wife is to stop focusing on sex itself and to start focusing on better communication. Women communicate differently than men, and when a man communicates he is more direct and to the point, wanting to get to the point. When a woman communicates she does not want to get to the point but she wants to extract information so that she can determine what her next move is going to be. "When your wife comes to tell you about a problem she is having, the best thing a husband can do is just to listen to her, and not try to solve the problem for her but just to be an ear".
"When she talks to you and wants to get information from you don't get frustrated with her just provide her the information that she asks for so that she can make up her mind."
Take the time to invest in sex therapy it can save a marriage, one of the tools that I use with couples is Sensate Focus designed by Maters and Johnson...this technique used with the counseling does help couples to take the pressure off the sex and learn about each others bodies, desires and wants concerning sex. This is also a wonderful technique to get couples to understand that sexuality is complex and as bodiy ages the sex they may have had in the beginning of the marriage is not the same. The other factor is that as couples age together they forget to communicate with their partners about how sex feels, not understanding what really turns each other on any more.
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