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Wednesday 2 January 2013

How to Keep Healthy

How to Keep Healthy

Maintain healthy eating habits. Avoid fad diets like the plague; to get all the nutrition the human body needs, eat carbs, protein, and fat (yes, even fat!) at every meal.[1] By doing so, you'll have a healthy heart, healthy brain, and a fully functional immune system. Eating highly varied foods will also help insure you get all the vitamins, minerals, oils, and enzymes your body craves. 

  • To lose weight, you must burn more calories than you consume.[2] That’s all there is to it. With the exception of sweets, eliminating one area of the food pyramid from your diet won’t replace the need to simply consume fewer calories.
  • Avoid skipping meals, which is hard on the body. Some people even recommend eating up to 6 mini meals a day instead of 3 large ones, which can sustain energy and steady blood-sugar levels[3]; however, many people end up turning their “mini meals” into junk food sessions and end up consuming not just more calories, but emptier ones.[4] Be honest with yourself before making this choice.
  • If you want to work on portion control, eat low energy-density foods (i.e. more substance, fewer calories). Fruits and vegetables, for example, are packed with not only vitamins and minerals, but also water and fiber, making them take longer to digest and keeping you full longer.[5]
  • Drink more water. This helps flush metabolic wastes to keep your metabolism in top shape.[6] Water can also help you feel fuller, so drink at least a half-gallon (2 liters) of water every day (or more if you are active or live in a hot climate).
Sleep well every night. Adults should get 7 to 9 hours daily, whereas school-aged children should get 10 to 11.[7] One of the absolute most important ways of improving the quality of your sleep is to do it in complete darkness, as even small amounts of light interfere with the chemicals that tell your body to rest.[8] If you can’t eliminate the light in your room, wear an eye mask. Another one of the best ways to improve your sleep is to exercise.[9] Sleeping is also a good way to prevent overeating. A study by The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition demonstrated that men who only slept for 4 hours consumed, on average, 500 more calories than they did after sleeping for 8.[10]

Stick to an exercise regimen. If you don’t want to pay for a gym membership, try strength-training at home. The muscle you develop will help increase your metabolism: the bodies of muscular people burn more calories even while they’re at rest.[11] To keep your heart in shape, do cardio. One particularly effective way to improve your cardiovascular health is to do interval training, which means alternating between low- and high-intensity activity. This has been shown to be a quick and extremely effective way to improve heart health and endurance.[12] (Anyone over the age of 60 or who has heart disease, high blood pressure, or arthritis should consult a doctor before attempting interval training.)

Pursue your passions. No, not everyone can make a living playing sold-out concerts, traveling around the world trying new foods, or churning out bestselling fantasy novels, but that doesn’t mean you should give up on your dreams. Set some time aside to practice an instrument, do art, take photos, build models, weld, bake gourmet cakes, or whatever else enriches your free time. If you want to learn something new, take an evening or weekend class. If you can’t think of anything interesting off the top of your head, take the time to find a hobby. If you’re convinced that there isn’t enough time in the day to pursue any outside activities, try to cut back on a time-wasting activity like channel-surfing or hitting refresh on Facebook.

Limit your vices. Quit smoking, beat drug addiction, and, if necessary, stop drinking. Avoid other risky behaviors like speeding, fighting, unsafe sex, and excessive thrill-seeking.

Improve your psychological health. Prioritize developing meaningful relationships above simply being social. Practice self-disclosure, which means sharing things that are unique to you (your thoughts, fears, favorite movies and music, pet peeves, etc.) with those you trust. This has been shown to be of immense importance to not only forging deeper interpersonal connections, but also feeling validated emotionally.[13]
Keep your mind limber. Read more, solve puzzles, play games of strategy, learn to play an instrument, improve your memory, and never stop learning, even if you feel like you’re “past your prime.” In addition to the fact that staying mentally active is emotionally rewarding, studies have shown that there is a correlation between mentally-challenging activities and a decreased risk of Alzheimer's.[15]

Be hygienic. Wash your hands thoroughly after coming into contact with a sick person, using the bathroom, or anything else that could make you sick. (If you’re not sure what “thoroughly” entails, sing Happy Birthday to You in your head as you scrub.) In addition to flossing regularly, brush your teeth and tongue at least twice daily to limit plaque and harmful bacteria.

Make little lifestyle changes. Don’t tire yourself out by making large gestures toward health without addressing the small stuff. Instead of running yourself ragged at the gym three days a week, park farther away from the store, walk the dog more often, take the stairs instead of the elevator, or weed your garden; instead of attacking your veggies and dip distractedly in front of the computer or TV, set time aside to slowly enjoy each meal and prevent mindless overeating.[4] Get your new habits to stick by tackling them at the grass-roots level.

Remember to do everything in moderation – including moderation. Turning each aspect of your life into something you need to check off a list can not only make you feel trapped, but also make you more likely fall (or possibly even throw yourself) off the wagon. Allowing yourself the occasional indulgence to blow off steam will make you much more satisfied with your new lifestyle choices. 

Solutions on what to do when sex is no longer good in marriage

Solutions on what to do when sex is no longer good in marriage 

 

Sex in your marriage

When an individual is having problems with the sex in their marriage, is unhappy or unable to fix it, what should they do?

The answer to this question is complicated, the reasons why is that it involves two people. When a change can occur it usually is about deciding to make change in oneself, but how do you go about changing the other person, making them understand you better. Is that not what all people really want is to be understood by their spouse?

You cannot change another person, but you can change yourself and the way that you respond to your spouse. Many times when a person has been married for sometime the intimacy in the marriage is not what it used to be, or it has gotten boring. As a Sex Therapist and Marriage Counselor my main goal is to help couples better understand each other moving forward in their relationship with solutions that work.

Sex Therapy and Marriage Counseling

Proven techniques to help with better sex in marriage. Dawn Michael Clinical Sexologist can help couples communicate with one another about improving sex in their relationship. The first step is to get help, with that help comes better communication surrounding sex, advice on solutions, understanding each other and creating the sexual bond that marriage has to offer. The Happy Spouse website offers information for couples to go to about improving their marriage.
Dawn Michael M.A.
Sex Therapy and Marriage Counseling for individuals and couples, experiencing sexual problems. Sexual health issues along with healing using techniques, communication and counseling.

Men and women think differently concerning sex

type=textThis is where understanding on how a woman thinks and how a man thinks, are different. We cannot discount for hormones, they do play a role in the male and female brain. The development of the sexual path for women is different then men. Not only is a women's brain different, so is her ability to have an orgasm, how quickly she reaches it, and the build up before hand.

Women's sexual drive will also change throughout the month, especially women that are not on birth control, their body, lubrication and sex drive will increase and decrease throughout her monthly cycle. Women taking birth control as they age, it will decrease in time their sex drive, most doctors will not talk about that in detail, but it is one area that women should look into if she has been on birth control for an extended period of time.

As a clinical sexologist, I recommend that a women who has been on oral contraceptives for an extended period of time (years) with low sexual desire to get her hormones checked.

With a man his sexual desire is usually higher in the morning when his testosterone levels are at the highest, men's testosterone levels drop throughout the day. As men age and especially if they put on weight and become less active their estrogen levels may go up, along with belly fat around the middle and increased fat deposited in the breast area. One other problem that men experience due to stress can be performance anxiety, which leads to a myriad of other issues.

Recommended Books

Understanding your partner better. The difference between male and female communications, hormones and the brain.

How many times a week should a married couple have sex

How Many Times A Week Should A Married Couple Have Sex
How many times a week should a married couple have sex? That is the question I posed in three different surveys. I wanted to know if men and women though differently on the subject and what I found out was quite interesting. In my survey from my blog spot on the happy spouse the majority of women said that married couple should have sex three times a week and the majority of the men said five times a week with a close runner up of three times a week. In my question on hub pages I got some more detailed information that I will share.

Sexual Compatibility Test

Sexual compatibility test with your spouse
Ten questions that will help to determine if you and your spouse are sexually compatible. If you answered no to some of the questions don't be alarmed a few of these can be changed with some help and counseling. Some cannot be changed and if you answered no to all of them, then we can assume that you are indeed not compatible with your spouse!

Sexual Intimacy

type=textIt would be safe to say that if a husband is having a bad sex life with his wife and did want to change things:

The first step would be to drop whatever he has been trying and throw the old notion out the window and look for new solutions.

The bottom line is that your wife does not have the same idea about sex that you do and in fact her idea about sex may be completely opposite of your view.

Men have sex and feel connected to their wife through love making, a woman on the other hand will not want to make love to her husband until she feels connected to him outside of love making. She does not get the same love connection through having sex as a man does, her motivation to have sex with a man is not the same as a man, she derives her love by attention, communication, helping her around the house, with the kids, protecting her and providing for her.

A husband derives love from the affection from his wife and through sexualy intimacy and love making that is how he sees how much his wife loves him, in that way.

The second part is to talk to your wife in a way that is sexy by telling her that her eyes are glowing or her smile is sweet, or her butt looks good in that dress or jeans.

DVD on better intimacy

Stop focusing on the sex

type=textThe next step in tuning your sex life around with your wife is to stop focusing on sex itself and to start focusing on better communication. Women communicate differently than men, and when a man communicates he is more direct and to the point, wanting to get to the point. When a woman communicates she does not want to get to the point but she wants to extract information so that she can determine what her next move is going to be. "When your wife comes to tell you about a problem she is having, the best thing a husband can do is just to listen to her, and not try to solve the problem for her but just to be an ear".

"When she talks to you and wants to get information from you don't get frustrated with her just provide her the information that she asks for so that she can make up her mind."

Take the time to invest in sex therapy it can save a marriage, one of the tools that I use with couples is Sensate Focus designed by Maters and Johnson...this technique used with the counseling does help couples to take the pressure off the sex and learn about each others bodies, desires and wants concerning sex. This is also a wonderful technique to get couples to understand that sexuality is complex and as bodiy ages the sex they may have had in the beginning of the marriage is not the same. The other factor is that as couples age together they forget to communicate with their partners about how sex feels, not understanding what really turns each other on any more.

 

Solutions to Common Sex Problems

Solutions to Common Sex Problems


Sex should be a satisfying part of a marriage. But for some couples, common sex problems become a source of tension and arguments. Common sex problems can get in the way of the relationship, and some couples have even separated over them. You can, however, address common sex problems and try to resolve them before they destroy the relationship and get in the way of love. Of course, you must see a doctor for persistent physical problems with sex. Although a sex therapist is sometimes necessary for bigger sex problems, there are ways you and your spouse can deal with common sex problems on your own together. Here are some common sex problems and their solutions-

One of you wants more sex.

Problem – Having different libidos is a common sex problem and one that most couples face. Usually, one of you wants more sex than the other. Perhaps, you even argue about the number of times per week you are or should be having sex.
Solution – This is an easy fix that requires a bit of compromise by both people. Discuss how many times a week would be enough for both of you, reach each other in the middle, and then start having that much sex. Even if you’re not in the mood, you should have sex, say couples experts. Once you get started, you’ll likely get excited and enjoy the sex, even if you felt tired or disinterested earlier.

Sex is getting boring.

Problem – After couples have been together for a long time, their sex life tends to ebb and flow. Every once in a while, things get downright boring. You fall into a routine and the sex seems to always be the same old story.
Solution – Break out of your rut. Try something new. You don’t have to go crazy or anything. But you can change positions or try one you have never done before. Or you can spice things up with extra foreplay, sex toys, sexy lingerie, dirty talk, or a massage. Even something as simple as a romantic dinner beforehand can make the sex better. Communicating what you both want and how to make sex more exciting can boost your sex life all on its own.

One or both of you would rather not be naked.

Problem – Sex requires nudity, but people often lack self-confidence. Perhaps, after the wedding, one or both of you got a little bloated. Happiness sometimes help people put on the pounds. You might not want even your spouse to see you naked because you’re not happy with your body. Your lack of confidence prevents you from losing your inhibitions with your spouse and can get in the way of enjoying sex. If you’re constantly thinking about your pudgy belly, you won’t enjoy the moment.
Solution – Get over yourself. That is the solution, but it’s never that easy. Instead, you should try to tell yourself that you’re beautiful, listen to your spouse who is undoubtedly telling you the same, and try to improve – without obsessing – whatever it is that is bothering you. If you’d like to get more fit and lose some flab, you and your spouse might take up exercise together. You’ll be healthier, feel better, and then the sex will be twice as good.

My wife never reaches orgasm.

Problem – As most people are aware, women have a harder time reaching orgasm than men. Sometimes, it just doesn’t happen. This can make the woman disappointed with sex, while the man feels incompetent.
Solution – Sometimes, all it takes is a little extra attention to foreplay and the woman’s needs. Performing oral sex might help. But even additional romance and some extra hugging and kissing can do the trick in some cases. Still, even if she doesn’t orgasm, she still might enjoy the closeness and even rhythm of sex. Remember practice makes perfect, so keep on practicing. You’ll get it eventually.

10 Tips to Managing Your Midlife Unemployment Woes

10 Tips to Managing Your Midlife Unemployment Woes

Being jobless is difficult in any stage of life, but finding oneself unemployed during the midlife years can be especially challenging. Hardships at this time can include family demands, poor health, lack of updated skills, financial burdens, and the general feelings of grief and anger that can accompany a lost job. Luckily, there are many steps you can take to manage your stress level and be a proactive participant in your job hunt. Here are 10 tips:

1. Start Your Job Search Immediately

Even if you get severance pay, don’t take a break and don’t consider this time a vacation. You should be spending frugally and managing your money more carefully. At this time, finding a new job should be your number one priority.

2. Let Go With Grace

Holding on to anger only holds you to the old job. Let go with grace. No matter how poorly you were treated, the way ahead is forward, never backwards. Do not want to engage in gossip or display ill will toward your old coworkers and company. Remember, you don't want to burn bridges because you never know when you will need a recommendation or what opportunities your previous employment can bring.

3. Lose Weight or Get Fitter

While you shouldn't go on a vacation or spending bender, you can use this time to better take care of yourself. Start working out; start eating healthily. Physically, you will feel better. Furthermore, studies have shown that overweight women earn less and are less likely to get good performance reviews than those who are not obese due to discrimination in the workforce. If you don’t need to lose weight, maintain a regular exercise routine to at least tone up your body as well as to alleviate some of the stress you are feeling.

4. Brush Up Your Skills

If you’re out of work for any length of time, software programs many change and new technology may make your existing skills set obsolete. Take this time to brush up on old skills as well as to learn some new ones so you can build out your resume and be a more desirable employee. There are many online tutorials that are free or offered for a nominal fee; of course, you can always take a class at your local community college as well.

5. Stay in Contact With Old Coworkers

Put in the effort to keep your old coworkers. Joining a professional networking site is an easy way to keep in touch and get your resume out there. Previous coworkers are often a good source for job leads. Furthermore, make sure your friends know you are looking for a job as well. You never know who's going to generate a successful job lead.

6. Reach Out

Being unemployed can be lonely and feel isolating. Do not let yourself become a hermit and closed off as that can lead to depression and anxiety. Use this time stay connected to your friends, or better yet, reconnect with those friends that you have been thinking about but just haven't had the time for as of late.

7. Spend Time with Your Spouse or Partner

It’s not unusual for marriages to be tested during stressful times, and midlife unemployment can definitely put a strain on a relationship. Openly talk to your spouse or partner about the challenges ahead and commit to working together. If a formerly stay-at-home spouse must now work, adjust your schedules and household chores so the unemployed partner can increase his or her nonfinancial contribution. As stress mounts over time, show appreciation for each other, talk over your concerns, and remember that all things are temporary, but your marriage/partnership is for life.

8. Prepare for the Long Haul

It could take months to find a job. Even if you are getting government unemployment, be conscientious of your spending and save money if you can. Cut out unnecessary luxuries from your budget, and think of strategies on how to reduce your spending. You don't know how long your situation is going to last. You do not want to have to dip into your savings or retirement fund unless absolutely necessary.

9. Balance Your Time

While looking for a job should be your number one priority, very few people can put in 40 hours a week in the job search. Spend your time strategically, pursuing the most likely job opportunities, while balancing your time with other activities. Keep your priories focused on the new job, but allow yourself a few hours weekly for your mental and physical health as well as some social recreation.

10. Be Aware of Depression

Handling life's challenges such as unemployment can be stressful and cause anxiety--that is normal. However, when your anxiety turns into feelings of hopelessness and futility, you may have depression. Monitor your mental health regularly, and if life feels too overwhelming, seek out counseling.
 

5 Ways to Reduce Your Anxiety

5 Ways to Reduce Your Anxiety

Anxiety, a feeling of fear or doom with physical manifestations, can build up until it interferes with everyday life. Sweating and fast breathing are physical symptoms that can become obvious to anyone passing by. Associated gastro-intestinal problems can pull one out of meetings. Muscle tension can cause pain. And racing thoughts make it difficult to concentrate or focus on anything else.
Addressing the problem of anxiety before it gets to the point of damaging health or lifestyle is imperative. There are a number of ways to reduce stress and anxiety, and begin to relax. The best way to reduce anxiety is probably a combination of all the suggestions below, addressing the physical, mental, environmental and social causes of stress all at once.

1. Changing the Environment

Our immediate environment affects our mental health. Sound, smell and visual aesthetics all have an impact on our ability to cope. Making your environment as serene and pleasant as possible creates a landscape for good mental health.
  • Remove the clutter
  • Make your bedroom a palace and your bathroom a spa
  • Include plants and flowers
  • Make your office a welcoming place

2. Feeling More in Control

Anxiety often comes from a feeling of loss of control. There are many things in life we can’t control, but recognizing that you are in control of many situations can help reduce anxiety.
  • Learn to say no
  • Keep a journal
  • Prioritize your tasks
  • Delegate to others

3. Relaxing the Body

Anxiety comes from the mind, but it manifests in the body. The pain in the muscles and stomach can lead to more serious problems. Relaxing the body can help relax the mind as well.

4. Relaxing the Mind

Your mind can be your worst enemy when fighting anxiety. In fact, worrying about anxiety can cause anxiety! The idea is to reign in intrusive thoughts so your natural wisdom can shine through.
  • Let go of control
  • Believe in a higher power or a higher purpose
  • Adopt a mantra
  • Meditate
  • Listen to music
  • Sing, dance, chant or drum

5. Removing the Stressor

Removing the stressor or source or your stress can be a dramatic step, and should be undertaken only when other avenues have been exhausted. But, remember, your health is your most valuable asset and anything that compromises your physical and mental health renders you less effective and makes your life less worth living. Do what you need to do to be healthy, and then you can take care of the ones you love.
You many need to take action to eliminate stressors from your life, which may involve:
  • Quitting the job with the unreasonable boss
  • Leaving the abusive relationship
  • Moving away from the threatening neighbors
  • Stopping contact with the toxic friend
Self-care is important when trying to reduce anxiety. Anxiety can cause a pathological focus on one's problems, but seeing and supporting oneself holistically can go a long way to reducing anxiety. Ironically, the way to be more open, useful and helpful to others (your boss, your spouse or your kids) may be to carve out time to focus more on yourself.
While these are real everyday steps you can take to reduce anxiety in your life, if they are not enough, consult a healthcare provider as counseling and prescription medication might be in order.

 

 

Top 10 Healthy Resolutions

Top 10 Healthy Resolutions

Thinking about making some healthy changes for the new year? Here are some basic lifestyle tune-up suggestions:

1.  Eat at least 5 servings of fruits and vegetables per day.
A half cup of cooked vegetables, one cup of raw, leafy vegetables, or one small whole fruit counts as one serving.

2.  Avoid drinking coffee all day. 
Aim for 6 to 8 glasses of fluids per day. Have plain or lemon water, unsweetened juice, skim milk, or herbal tea, such as chamomile, peppermint, and fruit tea.

3.  Exercise regularly.
An ideal combination includes aerobic exercise, weight-training, yoga, stretching, and recreational activities, such as dancing and swimming. Get exercise during your regular daily activities by walking at lunch and taking the stairs instead of the elevator.

4.  Cut down on the "bad" fats.
Reduce the amount of saturated fats and trans fatty acids in your diet. Saturated fats are found in animal products such as meat and butter, and processed foods. Vegetable shortening, some types of margarine, french fries, and processed foods contain trans fatty acids and partially hydrogenated oils. Cook with olive and canola oils.

5. Chew your food thoroughly. 
Many digestive problems such as bloating, gas, and stomach discomfort can be alleviated by taking the time to carefully chew food. Just think that whatever food you don't chew properly, your stomach and intestines have to break down later.

6. Limit your intake of sugar.
Sugar increases triglycerides, cholesterol, and insulin, and can impair the immune system. Check food labels and look for hidden sugar such as corn syrup, sucrose, glucose, and lactose.

7. Do what you can now to prevent osteoporosis.
Eat calcium-rich foods such as low-fat dairy, calcium-fortified orange juice, canned salmon or sardines with bones, and dark leafy green vegetables such as collard greens, mustard greens, and kale. Avoid foods that deplete calcium, such as soft drinks and high protein diets.

8. Make relaxation a regular part of your life
Chronic stress can lead the way to poor digestion, a weak immune system, high blood pressure, and many other conditions. Proper breathing and meditation techniques are effective ways of coping with stress.

9. Get a good night's sleep.
Restful sleep is essential for a fully functioning mind and body. This means avoiding caffeine and alcohol, which can disrupt sleep. In addition, sugary snacks before bed can affect blood sugar levels and disturb sleep.

10. Develop and nurture your support network.
Maintain meaningful and fulfilling relationships with family and friends. These relationships nourish our heart, body, and soul.
 

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